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Circle Thinking

by I Hate Sex

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1.
January 24 02:01
grief creeps quietly backwards, my mood ring has never changed back from black you can find me recreating nightmares i spent 3 nights falling asleep in snow banks hoping my feelings would freeze over i want to push myself through the ice to see the world from underwater find me hanging neck broken on your front porch daisy in my pocket im floating above all things that keep me up at night i am a bruise pushed over your mountainous trail over and over and over how painful is this life? do you want to die like you know i do?
2.
life's just a pissing contest, nobody exists on purpose things might not get any better, but they might get a little easier you make me feel like a bug who has lived a full life like a bee who has never had to sacrifice its stinger if you have the time, call me when you can life's just a pissing contest, nobody exists on purpose if you have no idea where you're going, it's fine neither does anyone maybe we could go together
3.
walked 10 miles to a hole in the ground now the only ghosts i see are pieces of you still reflected in me i hope you destroy yourself drive fast into the burning bridge and leave me on the side of the road but you'll live it will be a ritual of remembering hang your family from your living room ceiling fan with your small intestine but they'll live and it will be a ritual of remembering you said no matter how many candles i light in a black mass it will never change everything that i still lack but im still waiting for pieces of your ear in the mail and i'm still carving "I AM MY OWN GOD" deeper into my forearm every day so what the fuck has changed? what the fuck has changed? yellow paint won't change the world, my little van gogh and you deserve so much happiness you deserve so much more than this
4.
empty wall shadows in the hall ghosts in the window chills in the home, though you left the candle burning wolves scratching at the back door goodbyes written in a letter, taped to the table: nothing has gotten better, nothing is getting better past the point of painting bravely pushing payments that i don't have from my bank account it can't be so bad, each according to the rule you never underestimated the superflous zeus and leda with the swan making due so often on the back wall hiding behind neptune "what does that mean?" you could never strike a deal as heavy as his him when the plan is bobbed and rich topped i wish it was mine and I wish I had the same dimes as he had well always thought he'd cock it up but if nothing will we'll lock it up but he did it right, he locked it up and i can't even touch it now and i don't know what to do with these bones, oh these bones i never had my heart, is hell a song? - fuck your ghost town i'm burning the house to the ground nothing is getting any better
5.
a reoccurring dream of you and me on the train knee caps to knee caps my hands placed over your palms and we ride end to end until we cry enough to make the river rise and we drown you haunt my sleep called me weeping, choked on your tears chattering through shattered teeth and i know it's lucid, but it seems so real when you come to me and you say "you haunt me, and we meet in your dreams." i know it's lucid but it seems so real when you come to me and you say "you haunt me, and we meet in your sleep" but i know it's just a dream
6.
closet filled to the top with miserabilia, i often count how many steps we are apart flip over in bed, and smell you in my pillows i see a bull running in the fields and i'm scared waking up 900 miles away from home expecting to see you floating face down in the okanogan river i was scared my rock would sink, and it did and you did if you died i wouldn't be light, but i wouldn't be heavy anymore happy anniversary
7.
soft thoughts, pink bruises floral blankets, sunday afternoons you plucked flowers from my mothers garden to lay across my cold, grey grave walked past a doe with a throat covered in blood on your walk home drank wine straight from the bottle that evening kissed your girlfriend on the palms and went to bed all you've ever done was take you are slowly unravelling pieces of you that were sewn into me so well i figured i lost you on the first sunday in june there was no rain in april and no flowers in may it's been two years, and you're still taking and im still paying every day has been like sunday silent and grey black hair, nails on a chalk board walls covered in maps, sunday afternoons and everyday has been like sunday silent and grey

about

recorded in april 2015 at edmontone studios with doug organ
released on july 31, 2015


nicole boychuk - vocals
ashton burns - guitars
jibril y - bass
curtis burton - drums

lyrics by nicole boychuk
music by the band
art by nicole boychuk

one by metallica guest vocals by chad fougere

thanks for listening <3

credits

released July 31, 2015

LP & Tapes released by Too Far Gone Records

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I Hate Sex Edmonton, Alberta

four piece screamo band from edmonton, ab canada existing 2015 - 2018

with multiple line up changes over the years, i hate sex was
vocals: nicole boychuk (2015-)
guitar: ashton burns (2015-17), will gregson (2018)
bass: jibr*l (2015-16), matt wayne (2016-18) shoji blunderfield (2018 final shows)
drums: curtis burton (2015), byron mayer (2015-18)
... more

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